Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I coveted something too much, I think

Okay, gonna pour out my soul today.  I rarely can say that anything personally hurts me anymore, but yesterday I was clobbered upside the head with a wallop of hurt feelings.  Back story:  I've been applying for campus level jobs because I want to refocus back on one set of educational issues not an entire district,  reduce my work days (health stuff) and my travel requirements (stress reduction).  So a job opened at my previous campus (I was there for 13 years!) for which, in my opinion, I was well qualified for and suited for.  Another plus is that it would be a completely new endeavor which I could use right now,  as well. 

I interviewed almost two weeks ago and was told to check with HR on July 12 to hear the outcome.  So yesterday while I'm on hold with HR I notice on the job postings that the position had been reposted for 1 day.  I am here to tell you a Mack truck couldn't have flattened me more, in an emotional sense.  Then came the personal hurt:  I was interviewed by people who knew my work ethic and qualifications!  I had worked with and had continued to support this team in a significant and labor intensive way.  Well, then the tenaciousness and anger set in, so I hit the resubmit button on the application in a kind of "double dog dare you" to refuse me sort of way.  At that point, I'm angry AND hurt, not a good combination.

Well, today I realize many things after licking my wounds and bingeing on diet pudding.  You can indeed covet something too much.  Perhaps, as Thomas Wolfe told us, "you can't go home again."  I'm interviewing for another position tomorrow that I am equally well suited for and would probably enjoy (downside: change of districts).  So I have put my big girl undies back on and I'm gonna attempt to kick some educational a** tomorrow.  We'll see..............I'll keep y'all posted.  Thanks for indulging my pity party.

On a lighter note:  here are two of the pups after a romp with the tennis ball in sweltering heat (we didn't go too crazy, I'm careful with the heat).  Enjoy.

Queen Tessa in all her glory with her little pink hot dog tongue!

Daisy with some fun effects to emphasize the big pink tongue monster!  She is the tennis ball freak!  Gotta love 'em.

Peace and love all my fellow bead-heads!


Lanyardlady said...

Hi Elizabeth, I can relate to your story as something similar has happened to me over the last year. I have spent months angry and hurt and not being the person I want to be. I am now letting go of all that and realizing it wasn't me who failed, it was others who failed me. As hokey as it sounds I believe things happen for a reason, and a new opportunity will come along for you where you are valued, inspired, and happy in your heart. Hang in there, girlfriend!

Cathryn said...

Elizabeth--I also feel your pain because I've been there. I was so hurt and angry when I wasn't chosen to teach a class I am very much suited for--I was told that I had to have a PhD to teach that class. Then I found out the person they chose didn't have a PhD or any teaching experience. I was hurt, angry and simply pissed off because I felt rejected.

As Cherin stated--I had to realize that I wasn't the one who failed--they failed their students and themselves by hiring this other person. I still hear complaints from former students who have to take her class.

But I did get hired on to teach more classes and asked to teach at another university. That was a soothing balm.

Good luck to your venture and enjoy the journey! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Pretty Things said...

I can COMPLETELY understand how you feel. Totally.

Jen V. said...

Hi Elizabeth - hurt feelings are hard, but I think you did a great thing with the big girl panties and the other job...I'm sure there'll be a happy ending for you...because there are always beads to play with. haaaaaaaaaaa Take care,